I've heard it said many times. I've read it many times. I've seen it on social media many many times.
"Elevation requires separation.”
I began to think about that quote. It lends to the thought that, if I want to go somewhere in life, I have to separate from something. Or some things. Maybe even a person, or people. Or places. I began to wonder if that was really healthy. It almost sounds like I need to be isolated in order to get ahead. Hmmmm…..
Recently, I was on a conference call about self love coordinated by one of my Purpose Partners, Famira Green the Diamond DIVA. The speaker, Jonaee Brown, made a wonderful statement: “Some things in our lives need to be improved, repaired, or demolished.” Now, this I agree with. Not everything needs separation; some things need our attention on other levels as well.
Let’s think of this in the form of a noun (person, place, thing, or idea).
Part 1: People. As we think of people, we should think of our relationships with them for the purposes of this blog.
Do you have a relationship with a friend, a family member, a coworker, a lover that could use an improvement? An improvement happens when something is made better than it was before. You can find dozens of articles, blogs, and studies with tips on improving any relationship. All of these include two main components: increasing and decreasing. Increase the positives (time spent together, communication, knowledge of each other, patience, understanding, etc.). Decrease the negatives (distractions, too much time apart, harsh words, unforgiveness, etc.).
Repairing sounds a lot like improving. But they aren’t the same. Something is repaired after it suffered damage or decay. This usually happens when there is an instance that resulted in a mistrust. A lie, an infidelity, a theft, and things of the type. Some form of damage caused the connection with the person to need repairing. Again, it wouldn’t be difficult to find tips online to repair any type of relationship. But one thing cannot be ignored: both parties have to want the repair to occur. Then, of course, both parties have to work to make that repair possible. If you find yourself in a situation where you are the only one that wants the repair, or is putting in the work, then separation may be an option.
“Separate: to remove or sever from association, service, etc.” This is one definition of the word. Often times, separating from someone is easier said than done. It seems that most of my clients have already made this decision once they come to me; they just don't know how to go through with it. Each type of relationship requires a different type of attention. If you find yourself needing more time with this, feel free to contact me for a free consultation.
If you’re thinking about demolishing a relationship, I recommend taking extreme caution in doing so. In life, we never know which bridges we will have to cross and/or re-cross; so be careful about when and how you decide to sever ties with anyone. I am wary of people thinking that, in order to advance areas of their own lives, they need to separate themselves from others. Read the first part of this blog for more about living like an island.